Wall Street & The Corporate Media Are Buying Rumors of Iran Negotiations, But You Can’t Power Your Car With Big Lies

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I saw the news yesterday and honestly had to laugh. The stock market was up and oil prices were dropping because there’s a rumor that the US and Iran had “perfect” negotiations led by Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff. But, when you see Donald Trump use words like “perfect” and “beautiful,” it’s almost always a massive tell. Before hearing anything more, I was hitting that “doubt” button.

Why doubt the President of the United States? Because he’s basically Biff Tannen. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Then along came just one tiny problem for this latest MAGA “victory” narrative: Iran publicly stated they have absolutely no idea what the administration is talking about. The Strait of Hormuz is still closed. The oil is still completely stuck. No peace talks of any kind had taken place!

But that doesn’t matter to the octane brains in government, media, and Wall Street. All Trump has to do is tell them exactly what they want to hear, and they instantly turn into battalions of his personal flying monkeys. He basically yells, “Fly, my pretties!” and they all scramble to buy the rumor.

Let’s take a look at how this happened, where it’s likely to go, and why you should still seriously consider going electric if you haven’t already.

Why Many Corporate Media Outlets Spread The Lie, Even After Iran Said It Was Bogus

If you look at the coverage today from places like CBS News or the Washington Post, they’re printing the White House quotes about a five-day pause and “productive conversations” right in their headlines. They might bury Iran’s denial in the fourth paragraph, but the framing provides total cover for a phantom negotiation. Trump needs people to believe that the nightmare is almost over, and they’re helping spread that lie.

If you’re wondering how MAGA so thoroughly captured corporate media, it isn’t just about ratings anymore. These networks are owned by billionaires and run by executives who want deregulation and tax cuts above all else. 

They also know exactly what happens if they actually call out the administration’s lies: They lose their access. So, instead of pointing out the absurdity of a one-sided peace treaty, they launder the fantasy. They see the stock tickers turn green and play along just to keep the fossil fuel narrative looking stable.

Biting the hand that feeds is unimaginable to them. So, they instead keep being good little doggies just to keep getting scraps.

Investors Can Lose Money! Why Are They Cooperating?

Right now, investors are trading on pure vibes. Meanwhile, in the real world, the physical choke points of the global oil supply are still incredibly vulnerable. It’s wild to watch people bet their financial futures on contradictory statements while ignoring the actual logistics on the ground.

So, the natural question is this: why? Why in the hell would they do this?

The answer is something many readers probably don’t want to hear. Remember when everyone in the EV community was pumping Tesla? It was a good way to make some bucks. I have an elderly family member who didn’t even know that Tesla stonks were making her wealthy because she wasn’t into investing. Some people became millionaires without even trying. Nobody wants that kind of gravy train to stop. 

It took Elon losing his mind and going full on fascist (IMHO) before many people stopped to think. Only when things got truly terrible was it easier to see the Autopilot grift, the fake battery swap stations, and all of the other signs that things weren’t as amazing as we had all hoped.

This “Iran Victory” narrative is the same. The investor crowd doesn’t want to let the truth get in the way of a profitable story. They may privately have had doubts when they were dancing around the floors of stock exchanges looking like cyborg dancing monkeys, but who wants to be the guy who throws the wet blanket on the party? Who wants to admit that they might have been fooled by yet another big lie?

“Ahh, But That Is No Match For Wishful Thinking!”

Let’s use a car analogy to further explain why people were so eager to buy the fake peace deal story:

We all like to laugh at the guys who run out and buy an old OBS Chevy 3500 with a 454 big block (trucks that get 8 MPG when driven carefully) or cherry Ford Excursion just because they see gas get into the low $2.00 range.

I’m not gonna lie. Those trucks, especially clean examples, are utterly rad. Childhood nostalgia is a lot of fun. But, almost anyone can see that they’re making massive, expensive decisions based on pure vapor. It’s easy for us to laugh at people who don’t seem to be aware that gas will shoot up again in price later. It’s even easier to laugh if you’re not into trucks and didn’t ride in them as a kid.

It’s easy to laugh when we see someone else’s wishful thinking, but it’s harder to laugh when it’s our own wishful dreams on the line. Corporate media pukes, octane-brained investors, and basically anyone else who can’t imagine change all badly wanted to believe the lie. Or, they believed that they could benefit from the lie.

Admitting that basically anything Trump says should be treated as sus until proven correct gets in the way of believing. You don’t become a rat chef by accepting reality.

Further Proof That Fossil Fuels Are A HUGE National Security Risk

This is exactly why the cleantech transition is so important. When your entire transportation network and energy grid rely on a globally traded commodity that spikes or crashes based on unverified tweets and compliant media coverage, you don’t have real energy security. You have a gambling addiction. You have an economic machine that encourages delusion over reality.

We need to stop pretending that fossil fuels offer any kind of stability. True independence means unhooking yourself from this ridiculous cycle and all of the willful ignorance that’s required to keep playing the game.

Plus, who wants to be Trump’s dancing monkey? If you have to trade in your dignity and self-worth to please a conman, (adjudicated) rapist, and (alleged) pedophile just to have a chance at some sweet dino juice, are you really getting a good deal?

Featured image: a screenshot from Back To The Future II (Fair Use). Yes, Biff Tannen was based on Donald Trump, who was a toxic mess even in the ’80s.